This is Me. Naming Yaeli's little sister.

Sunday 8th August 2021. Naming ceremony in the garden at home.

DEBS

Like the wonderful team we are in life and in feeding Smally, Ben and I are going to tag team on this ceremony speech. I will try my best to get through it without being a blubbering mess. But that’s unlikely.

Firstly thank you, our dearest friends and family, for coming here today to share in the celebration of naming our second little girl who was born on Friday 23rd July at

3.51am, weighing a tiny 2.18 kgs (or 4lbs 13)

Ben and I would also like to thank you for the ongoing support and love you have shown since February last year. The overwhelming outpouring of love after Yaeli died was without doubt the most humbling experience of our lives.

Through text messages, random gifts or offers to talk or walk, we felt loved and heard. Our closest friends and family have recognised that grief doesn’t just end. Life doesn't just move on as a few months pass. But as I’ve said before, time does enable people to better manage. Time is a manager, not a healer.

When Yaeli died and after giving birth last year, Ben and I were unable to participate in any of the joyous things that come with having a baby, which is why holding this ceremony is so important to us.

We also want to start by thanking my parents David and Hilary for washing and sorting all the baby stuff that was returned from various houses after being in hiding for the last 16 months. Thank you for picking us up from the hospital after 12 difficult days, and helping us to settle in at home. The amount of shopping and washing you have done is amazing, and is allowing us to focus on feeding and sleeping only.

We can’t wait for Smally to meet and spend time with her other grandparents and we thank them for everything they have done and do for us.

Smally is also incredibly lucky to have her Great Grandpa Graeme , Great Savta Evy, Great Granny Joan and Great Grandpa David to support and guide her.

Now I want to start by talking a little bit about the last year and how the joy we have from bringing Smally home, sits firmly side by side with our grief in losing Yaeli.

In Barnet hospital, we DID get to hold Yaeli, change her and read to her, but we had to accept that we couldn’t bring her home. The anger I felt towards our community midwife last summer when finding out Yaeli’s death was wholly avoidable, is indescribable and has not ceased.

With every swell of love I feel for Smally as I feed or look at her and in doing every ‘first’ such as playing nursery rhymes to help her sleep (and today, thinking about how we were unable to hold a naming ceremony for Yaeli like this) my sadness and anger comes back with a vengeance.

I’m also constantly in fear that she will stop breathing.

There is no need to try to find any words to comfort me. This is just the way it is after stillbirth. I have been reassured by professionals and other mothers who have experienced stillbirth that this is to be expected.

If Yaeli was here on earth, this little Smally may not have been born yet. Yaeli’s sibling would be an entirely different human, born at a different time. But that human WOULD have their older sister on earth.

Yaeli will always be part of our family and Smally will learn about her and know that she has a guardian angel in Yaeli.

Bringing Smally home is a blessing. but a blessing from God? We’re not sure anymore… We certainly don’t believe everything happens for a reason. But bringing Smally home is definitely a blessing from Yaeli. We feel she is watching over all of us and rooting for us.

Earlier in 2021 I did an online session with New Leaf college called Writing creatively for wellbeing. I wrote a poem to comfort myself. When I miss Yaeli, I remember she is all around me.

We’ve asked Sam to read this poem...

Debs called this poem ‘A Butterfly sits on my shoulder’

A butterfly sits on my shoulder. She sits just for a minute.

She flutters her wings. No limit.

Can she hear my heart reach out?

She whispers. ‘I’m here, please don’t fear…’

‘I love you mummy’.

DEBS:

As well as from Yaeli, Smally is also a blessing from our consultant at UCLH, Dr Melissa Whitten. Without Melissa’s expertise, calm attitude, genuine care and very regular checks, Smally may not be as well and fighting fit as she is now.

Due to her size, we are having some feeding issues (that is she is a guzzler and increasing our sleep deprivation beyond the norm) but she is healthy and growing well, for which we are thankful.

Now over to ben.

BEN:

First of all I want to say how in awe I am of Debs and how proud I am of her. I can’t put it into words. You have battled through everything and throughout the pregnancy you have been so very brave. You have managed your grief, anxiety, excitement and all of your emotions so well.

You were so incredibly calm when we arrived at the hospital, during the birth and our stay. There wasn’t a moment where you panicked. Luckily as well, smally behaved herself all the time and she never was in distress. Since we have been at home your patience has been unreal and I can only apologize for being moody.

Debs you are an amazing wife, and mum you are my best friend and I can’t wait to spend more time with you and smally.

DEBS:

And I want to say how proud I am of Ben. Just over two weeks ago, Ben had never held a newborn baby and had never changed a nappy – despite having spent ample time with his nieces Eliya and Lishan. In the hospital he was a willing student, learning quickly and asking for help so that now he is fully capable of looking after his second little girl. Ben is a wonderful husband and father, albeit very stubborn! And I could not ask for a more supportive and loving best friend.

BEN:

And now I will talk about how we have chosen Smally’s name.

Debs and I love Hebrew names. As with Yaeli, (which means both Mountain Goat and ‘to Ascend’) we have chosen a Hebrew name with much meaning for our second little girl.

Debs has always had a strong cultural connection and love for Israel, having spent two gap years over there and having her cherished brother, sister and our gorgeous nieces living over there. Since meeting Debs, I have gotten to know the place and love visiting there.

In choosing a name for our second little girl, Debs and I sought to identify one with a strong meaning and attributes that she can aspire to, which links to the values we hope she will have in her life.

For us, being a good Jew is all about the values and behaviours that we uphold, above all trying to be a good person, a good friend and a good family member - showing empathy, helping and supporting others and giving to charity.

Debs and I try to live these values through both our employment and personal lives.

We hope that we will teach our second baby girl to live by these values.

DEBS:

Now onto her Name:

Now in the presence of loved ones, we give to you the name;

Liora Renée Meyer-Lewis.

We are spelling Liora L.I.O.R.A.

Liora - Let it become a name honoured and respected for wisdom and good deeds. Liora we commit ourselves to the unfolding of your promise, may you walk the path of goodness, beauty, and truth. Do justly and love mercy, and be humble before the mystery of life and the grandeur of the universe into which you have been born.

May God’s (and Yaeli’s) blessing rest on you now and always.

Amen.

The name Liora means ‘my light’.

Our second little girl is a ray of light for us in a world that has previously dealt us a cruel hand. But the world is also a wonderful place. And however bad we feel, we must remember that we are blessed to be alive. The alternative is shite.

In every day, in every way there are always things to be thankful for and rays of light to enjoy. Two of the gifts we received last year were sun catchers, and we love to hang them by our lounge door to catch the reflection of the sun light.

We hope that Liora is able to appreciate the light in the world and she will bring her own light with her, shining brightly and impacting positively on others in whatever she chooses to do.

Although we had already considered this name before she was born, it became even more apt because when she was first born she had jaundice and required phototherapy, where a bright light was placed on her chest. She radiated so much light that she had to wear an eye mask that made her look like a super hero.

BEN:

For Liora’s middle name we have chosen Renée (with a French accent) This was the name of Debs maternal grandmother and we think it’s a pretty name. (Although Debs grandma’s name was always pronounced Ree-nee rather than Renée)

The name Renée is the French form of the late Roman name Renatus. The meaning is reborn or born again. In medieval times, the meaning was associated with the Christian concept of being spiritually born again through baptism.

However, this does not hold meaning for us.

We believe Liora has her own soul and will no doubt have her own unique personality.

Debs has told me that her Grandma Ree-nee had a glass half full personality. She always looked on the bright side of life and cherished her children and grandchildren. This is much like my late Grandma June, who sadly died last year, and whom we both miss very much. In naming Liora Renée we are also paying tribute to the amazing personality and grit that June showed.

Both Ree-nee and June are remembered for being loving, caring, enthusiastic people. They always were interested in how well we were doing no matter what the subject or field was. I hope Smally i.e Liora, gets to travel the world and explore all the different cultures that both June and Renee did. I am sure they are somewhere watching over and smiling on us.

DEBS:

And now we will recite a blessing

Yvarehch’cha Adonai v’yishm’rehcha.

May God bless you and keep you.

Yaeir Adonai pana eilehcha vichunehka.

May God look kindly upon you, and be gracious to you.

Yisa Adonai panav eilehcha v’yaseim l’cha shalom.

May God reach out to you in tenderness, and give you peace.

Amen

DEBS:

Now, just before we finish and let you eat and mingle, I want to talk about some of the feelings I alluded to at the beginning of this ceremony.

Although our focus now needs to be on keeping Liora safe, warm, fed and loved, the love we have for Yaeli will always be. She sits beside us each and every day.

We believe that she has had a hand in bringing Liora to us - protecting her little sister in the womb. She will always be our little girl, a part of our family who will be mentioned - and there is no need for her name or existence to be hushed.

We have two daughters, but one is here on earth and one watches over us.

A rainbow baby is a name coined for a healthy baby born after losing a baby due to miscarriage, infant loss, stillbirth, or neonatal death. The name “rainbow baby” comes from the idea of a rainbow appearing in the sky after a storm, or after a dark and turbulent time.

Now please do not feel guilty or bad if you have used this term around me. But here is why I find it difficult and prefer not to focus on it regarding Liora.

For me, calling a child a Rainbow Baby alludes to the fact that this child is more special, yet perhaps less desired than the first child that was conceived and lost.

It puts an emphasis on the new baby making her seem more important than her predecessor because she is here on earth, but at the same time underlining the fact that there was a child before her -and that the previous pregnancy was perhaps the most desired.

It instantly puts the new baby in the shadow of a person they'll never get to meet.

But for me, it also de-emphasizes the loss of Yaeli by refocusing the attention on the miracle of Liora.

Having Liora is amazing. But nothing can ever make losing Yaeli ok or better, just because Liora is here.

I hope you'll honour my choice and not refer to Liora as a Rainbow.

After today I will announce Liora’s name on facebook and publish some new blogs I wrote during my pregnancy.

In being a mummy and daddy to Yaeli and now Liora, Ben and I want to continue to raise awareness of stillbirth and the surrounding emotions to the general population, to lessen taboo - to campaign hard and raise money through crazy sporting events to improve maternity car, so that fewer babies are lost without good reason.

With blogs on pregnancy after loss and coping with triggers that come with giving birth to another baby, I hope to help and support more parents who go through this difficult journey.

So, thank you for coming today, for honouring our Liora and Yaeli and for being the most supportive family and friends we could wish for.

Liora Renee Meyer-Lewis, mummy and daddy love you to the moon and back and we will do our best to keep you safe, give you all the cuddles and love that we can and to help you become the best version of you.

Please join us in wishing that Liora is blessed with good health, happiness, love and an extremely long life.